Jealousy or Fear??

A person, said he felt a lot of jealousy at the possibility of his girlfriend having sexual relations
with anyone else. He said he tried to just witness the fear of her leaving him for someone else, but
it still persisted.

Reply:
Nothing is wrong in the fear because that is always possible – she may go to somebody else, she
may be taken by somebody else. So I cannot console you. Nothing is wrong in the fear. It is
absolutely realistic. The future remains open. She is with you today; tomorrow she may not be. So
rather than creating too much anxiety about tomorrow, be happy with her today because she may
not be with you tomorrow.
Just tell the mind, ’Yes, it is possible but nothing can be done about it.’ The future always remains
beyond our power, that’s why it is the future. It simply means that nothing can be done about it right
now because it is not yet. All that you can do, you can only do with the present. With the past you
cannot do anything; it is gone.
Only this small moment of the present is all that is on our hands. Something can be done in it. And
it is so small that if you waste too much time in thinking, it is gone. Do something! Rather than being
afraid, hug her, kiss her, sing a song together or dance because this moment is slipping by. Gone,
it will be gone forever. Then you may start worrying that you didn’t use this moment and now it is
gone. Then you were worrying about the future, and when the future has become the present, you
may be worrying about the past. That’s how people go on.

Tomorrow is open. Anything is possible... and everything is possible. So live this moment as totally
as possible, that’s all. When tomorrow comes you will have to see. There is no guarantee about it.
People have tried all sorts of tricks with the future. Marriage is a trick so that the future can become
guaranteed – but you may have the woman and still the woman may not be yours. What to do? You
may have the police and the court and the law on your side, but the love can disappear, and that will
be even more miserable.
If the woman has gone, good; love is also gone. But if the love is gone and the woman is still there,
you are stuck. That’s how many marriages are. But marriage is a trick because of this fear. Marriage
is not because of love; it is because of fear. If you love a person, there is no point in getting married
because you don’t think of the future. But it is because of fear. Tomorrow?... So the first thing: make
arrangements for tomorrow – legal, political, social.
... It is uncomfortable because you are not seeing the reality of it. It is real.

As I see it, you are not totally in love, hence the fear. You are not enjoying her presence as totally as
possible, hence the fear. Nothing is wrong with the fear. The fear is simply natural. It becomes too
obsessive because you are afraid that this moment is going and tomorrow is not certain. If tomorrow
were certain you would not worry about this moment: ’Let it go. Tomorrow is certain. I will love her
tomorrow.’ Now tomorrow is uncertain and this moment is going, passing by, and you are not being
able to love. That’s how fear grips you.
So don’t talk about ’shoulds’ and ’oughts’. Go and sit by her side and hold her hand before she
escapes! Do it immediately !

~~~MKS.